Darndest Things

I'd be in the looney bin if it weren't for these moments:

Hayden: Maybe Sutton needs a pacifier for babies with hair.

Hayden: Bubby, I don't like eating noodles at houses. I just like eating noodles at malls.

Hayden: Your nose still knocking? (Think she meant running...)

Tom: That's the Orioles.
Cole: Ooh! Mama must love that team. She loves Oreos.

Hayden: This is the deal. If you let me play iPad, I will leave you alone.

Me: Whoa! Crazy wind!
Hayden: It's okay, I have really strong feet.

There's a commercial where things keep sticking to children showing how germs are spread...
Hayden: And HER Mommy is NOT happy. Why she bringing that bench home?

Hayden (to Tom): Why you changing your clothes?
Tom: Because...
Hayden: Because you pooped in them?

Hayden (about Cole): Maybe he should be Captain Obvious for Halloween.

Cole: What happens if I lose all my teeth? Will I not be able to eat?
Mom: No, you have other teeth that will come in. Adult teeth.
Cole (clearly not listening): So, will I have to just live on juice, water, milk, Slurpee's, Rita's...
Hayden: Don't forget beer!

Cole: Annie should be Hulk for Halloween because she growls and throws things.

Knowing packages would be arriving soon, I started a conversation about not opening the door for strangers, including the UPS man.
Cole: You should never let strangers in the door. Never ever.
Hayden: Right.
Cole: Remember that one time you did? (Mailman).
Hayden: Let's not talk about that.

Me: I don't like this song.
Hayden: Tell me about it!

Hayden: Sutton has hot mess hair.

Cole: Just call me Skunk.

Me: Daddy wouldn't like you doing that.
Hayden: Good thing he didn't saw!

Hayden: Hey guys, I have three things in my belly. Food, pee and chicken nuggets (poop).

Hayden: Sutton is the best baby in the whole world but sometimes she's a hot mess.

Wearing Tinkerbell...
Hayden: People are going to think I'm nuts.
Me: Why?
Hayden: Because I'm wearing my costume.

Wanting to wear Tinkerbell for music class...
Me: The other kids will be in normal clothes.
Hayden: What in the world is that all about?

At the doctor's office, receptionists came out of a room laughing.
Hayden: I think they're talking about chicken nuggets (poop).

Hayden: The eagle queen is after me!!
Me: Evil. You mean, evil.

Me: You want a jacket?
Hayden: No, Elsa likes the cold.
Me: But you aren't Elsa...

Hayden: I want to feed our favorite baby to a shark.
Me: What?!

Hayden: I'm sorry I didn't like you Cole.

Hayden: Hummus!
Me: Daddy's name is Thomas.
Hayden: Daddy is driving me up the wall.

Cole: How do you know if your baby is going to speak Spanish?

Hayden: Sutton cannot play with that princess! She will get dog slobber all over it!

Cole: ...Captain America's Frisbee.
Tom: It's a shield.
Cole: No, it's a Frisbee.